An 85 yr old man speaking with his doctor after an examination. Dr says “You’re the most virile man I’ve ever examined.” “My father has me beat,” he replies. “Your father?” “Yes, he’s 105 yrs old and just married a 21 yr old girl.” Doc asks, “Why would a 105 yr old man want to marry a 21 yr old girl?” …Old man replies, “What makes you think he ‘wanted’ to?!”
An 80-year-old millionaire becomes engaged to a beautiful 22-year-old model. He goes to his doctor for a check-up a couple of weeks before the wedding date. The doctor looks him over and says,
“You seem completely healthy but I must tell you one thing.”
“What’s that?”, the old man asks.
“At your age, sex can be dangerous, and you need to watch it, take care as it could be really deadly” the doctor replies.
The 80-year-old millionaire thinks for a minute and then says, “What the hell, if she dies, she dies.”
The HMO account manager noticed that nearly every bill from a certain pediatrician’s office included the line item “Behavior modification reinforcers.” Alarmed that the pediatrician was engaging in some unapproved, experimental psychological treatment, she called the physician’s office to inquire, “What on earth are behavior modification reinforcers?” “Lollipops,” was the reply.
Two women were comparing notes on the difficulties of running a small business.
“I started a new practice last year,” the first one said. “I insist that each of my employees take at least a week off every three months.”
“Why in the world would you do that?” the other asked.
She responded, “It’s the best way I can learn which ones I can do without.”
The income tax expert was visiting the school to talk about taxes. “I’m going to tell you now about “indirect” taxes. Can anybody tell me what an indirect tax is?”
“A dog license,” said Smart Josh.
“And why is that?” asked the expert.
“The dog doesn’t pay it,” replied Josh.
A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The engineer fumed, “What’s with these guys? We must have been waiting for 15 minutes!” The doctor chimed in, “I don’t know, but I’ve never seen such ineptitude! “The pastor said, “Hey, here comes the greens keeper. Let’s have a word with him.” [dramatic pause]
“Hi, George. Say, what’s with that group ahead of us? They’re rather slow, aren’t they?”
The greens keeper replied, “Oh, yes, that’s a group of blind firefighters. They lost their sight saving our clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them play for free anytime.”
The group was silent for a moment.
The pastor said, “That’s so sad. I think I will say a special prayer for them tonight.”
The doctor said, “Good idea. And I’m going to contact my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there’s anything he can do for them.”
The engineer said, “Why can’t these guys play at night?”
I was thinking to myself I need to lighten up, be more ready to laugh at the foibles of life and at myself. You know, have a sense of humor.
Looking around the ding-dang internets I was able to find this useful site for a sense of humor and thought I would share:
Laughter is the Best Medicine: The Health Benefits of Humor and Laughter
“There is little success where there is little laughter.” –Andrew Carnegie
“Humor is the great thing, the saving thing. The minute it crops up, all our irritation and resentments slip away, and a sunny spirit takes their place.” — Mark Twain
CORPORATE CLIENTS include:
Price Waterhouse Coopers
Utah Highway Patrol Association
Utah Bar Association
Brigham Young University
University of Phoenix
National Guard National Convention
Nu Skin Internation
Maverik Country Stores
C & A Construction
Young Executives Organization
Larry King calls Johnny, “One of the funniest guys ever.” Johnny produced and appeared in “The Biscuit Report,” for NBC affiliate KSL-TV during the winter Olympics. He has over 500 Las Vegas appearances, and has been a favorite MC for casino comedy showrooms and corporate events. Johnny’s hallmark : Quick on his feet.
With nearly 20 years as a professional comedian, on-camera talent, and producer, Johnny is experienced. He opened “Johnny B’s Comedy Club,” in Provo, Utah and operated it successfully for 10 years. At the time, it was one of the few “TV clean” rooms in the country.
A favorite with corporate clients, he is often rebooked. He understands the modern human resources requirements for large corporate communications, and is able to successfully follow direction and guidelines as to content and language without sacrificing funny.
Conferences and events have become the new home of his talents, as he travels to multi-day events and appears in and produces, “The Biscuit Report,” a humorous video report about the goings on of an event, shown within 24 hours. Clients include HP, LANDesk, InContact and The American Academy of Professional Coders.
He released a successful comedy DVD; Latter Day Night Biscuit.